This is probably the worst roller coaster ride I've ever been on. Just when I was getting my appetite back I'm back down in the dumps. I'm an eat when depressed/stressed/happy kind of girl so this is a completely new side of me who doesn't want to eat. Now I just worry about a number on a scale. I find myself not wanting to talk to people I know (my family and co-workers) instead I want to hide in my dark, broken, lifeless shell of a human being and sleep. Sobriety gets harder and my thoughts get darker with it. I'm hiding/hurting from something in my past.... I called and left a hypnotherapist a message today because I feel it would be the best and fastest way to get to the weed, but he hasn't returned my call yet. I begin working with a counselor on Wednesday, but what do I even say? I'll just cover up my feelings as I always do.
I'm not happy with the direction of my life and I don't know where I want/need it to go. Life is too short though. One second you are getting in a Porsche and the next you're engulfed in flames (R.I.P Paul Walker). I can only pray and have faith in a higher power at this point.
Good night. Xoxo
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