December 2nd - A Bad Day

This is probably the worst roller coaster ride I've ever been on. Just when I was getting my appetite back I'm back down in the dumps.  I'm an eat when depressed/stressed/happy kind of girl so this is a completely new side of me who doesn't want to eat. Now I just worry about a number on a scale.  I find myself not wanting to talk to people I know (my family and co-workers) instead I want to hide in my dark, broken, lifeless shell of a human being and sleep.  Sobriety gets harder and my thoughts get darker with it. I'm hiding/hurting from something in my past.... I called and left a hypnotherapist a message today because I feel it would be the best and fastest way to get to the weed, but he hasn't returned my call yet. I begin working with a counselor on Wednesday, but what do I even say?  I'll just cover up my feelings as I always do.
I'm not happy with the direction of my life and I don't know where I want/need it to go.  Life is too short though. One second you are getting in a Porsche and the next you're engulfed in flames (R.I.P Paul Walker).  I can only pray and have faith in a higher power at this point.
Good night. Xoxo

Day 4 of my journey to recovery

Day 4 on my journey to recovery. I made the right choices last night although I drove around the liquor store 3 times and even pulled in the parking lot and parked my car. It was at that time I called a friend who helped talk me out of going into the store. I was so proud of myself when I drove away and went home instead. It was day 2 back at the gym for me and it felt good to be pumping iron into these muscles and actually meaning it. At this point I'm not trying to lose more weight, but because I haven't been eating I have to slowly increase my calories over the next few months to avoid to rebound effect. I'll keep you posted on my journey through recovery. Xoxo