October 2, 2010

So here I am a little over a year later. I was down to 114 pounds, but now I'm up 8 pounds from that and definitely not where I want to be.
I've been ill ever since the beginning of September, and I'm sick and tired of being sick and tired. I want my body back, I want my energyback, I want to stop feeling the aches and pains, and lastly I would like to know what the hell is wrong with me!
I received a call from my doctor last night that I tested positive for mono in the past, but what the hell does that mean. I could swear I have mono NOW! Today when I woke up I decided screw it. I'm going to stop feeling sorry for myself, stop blowing off my workouts that I know would solve a lot of the depression and anxiety issues I'm dealing with, as well as make me feel like I'm in control of my life again. I'm going to plaster a stupid smile on my face, and at least act happy. Who knows... it just may solve a lot of my problems. It's time to be strong again, and to never allow myself to go back to that deep dark place I hate. I want to motivate and inspire others to be their best. I type this as I'm on the treadmill... so I've taken my first step. Now I just need to follow through on my diet and get up tomorrow and do this all over again (I did eat 3 brownies this morning before lifting weights and getting on this contraption, but I'm writing it off, not letting it affect the rest of today, and I'm going to do better!). So I leave you with this:

Lyrics from Eminem's song "Til I Collapse"
Sometimes you just feel tired, feel weak, you feel like you just want to give up, but you gotta start to be you! You gotta find that inner strength and just pull that shit out of you... and get that motivation to not give up, not be a quitter, no matter how bad you just wanna fall flat on your face!!!