Is this how I want to live my life??

I've decided that this just isn't fair, nor is it really the way I want to live my life. It seems so unfair that I'm a slave to my diet... and I ask myself is this really something that I can sustain long term even if I do manage to lose the 20 pounds I want to? I've done this so many times and I know that I'll will just return to my old ways unless I find a way to make this manageable and enjoyable, such as.... why do I have to be such a slave to the perfect eating regimen, and does it really even exist? Why do I have to be deathly afraid of eating carbohydrates, and I mean whole wheat tortillas or pasta? It just seems ridiculous and I honestly can't live without ever eating a piece of bread or tortilla again. Is there a way to just focus on a healthy way of life, paying absolute attention to portion control, basing every meal around a portion of healthy protein, and carbohydrate, and healthy fat? Why not pay more attention to filling up on fruits and veggies and not on how much protein I need to consume to build muscle. So I am challenging myself to achieve a healthy balance the next two weeks and to see what happens - do I feel more energized? Can I sustain this? If I'm hungry and it is outside my next meal I'm going to eat something healthy like beef jerky or fruit, plus it is ridiculous to be told I can't eat a frickin banana because of the glycemic index... that's absurd if you ask me!

Protein shake or egg whites, and oatmeal w/ flaxseed and cranberries.
Yogurt and fruit.
Chicken and bean tortilla.
Can of tuna with balsamic vinegar, handful of blueberries.
Salad with tons of veggies, fruit, seeds or nuts and cup of green veggies.
Protein shake.

And if I don't want to eat it I'm NOT going to! I'll find some other healthy alternative.